Reality TV

Let me begin by saying that reality is overrated. If you want a good dose of what I'm talking about park close to the front entrance of a Wal-Mart and just observe. When I'm low on cash and can't afford the movie theater or the comedy club that's what I do. You'll see every color of the rainbow. Unfortunately it's knitted into the spandex of a large woman that shouldn't be wearing spandex. Brings a whole new meaning to Lucky Charms doesn't it.
The reality I really want to discuss is reality shows on television. For some reason I just can't come down to the level programmers have dropped to. It all started with Regis Philbin and "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". I used to love the hundred dollar question. There's ole' Regis, "For one hundred dollahs, what coloh is an orange.
A: red
B: green
C: brown or
D: orange".
Long pause as the contestant chews on his fingernail. "You know you can poll the audience if you want" says Philbin. "No" says the contestant, "I think I know this one. I'm gonna go with D, orange". Regis gives him that your an idiot and you got it wrong look and says "Is that your final answah?"
It's at that point I would love to be sitting in the audience holding a fart cannon with a scope. How stupid do you have to be to find that entertaining? Watching a four month old chimpanzee scratch his but is better programming.
Maybe it's not necessarily the idea for the show that makes it suck so bad. It might have something to do with how the networks choose the contestents. That can be blamed on Bob Barker and the price is right. Most folks don't know it but the contestents for that show are chosen before the crowd is even let into the studio. After all, they're taping a television show and want entertaining people on the stage. It was kind of entertaining in Barkers later years as he was flung around the stage with a microphone the length of a fishing pole by a sumo wrestler that just won an armoire. He doesn't have a clue what the piece of crap is but he won it and can take it home. Just as soon as he pays the taxes on it. And to make the show more interesting when Bob retired they hired a sumo wrestler to replace him. Only, they give Drew a wireless microphone. After he got his arm almost half ripped off during a rehearsal show the last thing they needed was for him to get a mic cord wrapped up in the big wheel.
It seems, though, that all of the networks are in some sort of competition to outdumb each other with these reality shows. So, I'm gonna tie some fish line around my neck to cut the circulation of blood off to my brain and just before passing out, I'm gonna come up with my own idea. Okay, here we go. (Can you hear the theme song from jeopardy playing in the backround?)
Crap, that was close. I only learned one knot in the boy scouts and that's a square knot. Unfortunately, I wasn't in the boy scouts long enough to learn how to untie one and almost killed myself.
Anyway here's my reality show. It stars Martha Stewert, Larry the Cable Guy, Pee Wee Herman and Paris Hilton. They will each be paired with a contestent that has made a video of themselves proving they are dumb enough for a reality tv show. The celebrity guests get to choose one item to bring with them and their contestent partner. They are then dropped off in the middle of Atlanta Georgia, the object being to survive twenty four hours without begging food from the Weather Channel Studios.
Okay, after further review this just won't work. I can see the whole episode playing out in my head. Paris Hilton chose to bring her dog and a homeless man has him on a spit over a fire in Olympic park. Martha Stewert was mugged and beaten for that "lovely" quilt she knitted while in prison. Pee Wee Herman found a squirt gun full of gergens lotion and we all know where he went. And Larry the Cable Guy is having a beer at Foxworthy's place.
As for the four contestents? They're at the Georgia Dome waiting in line to try out for American Idol. See I told you reality was overrated. So was tonights blog.
Ain't reality wonderful?