How To In a Nutshell.

Before we get started tonight, I'd like to ask a question. How many of you have seen that goofball Vince advertising the ShamWow on TV? You know him, he's got the Bounty on methamphetamine towel made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff. Is it just me, or does anyone else want to reach through the screen, poke him in the eye and do the Curly Shuffle? He says in the add "for the next twenty minutes, we can't do this all day blah blah blah". The commercials on 48 times per day. By my math that means the special sale ole' Vince is talking you into is invalid only two hours out of each day. Not that it's a bad product, it may be. But I'm not buying any of them until he stops going to Donald Ducks hairdresser. Check out the dew next time he comes on the TV. Maybe if I'd quit watching so much Weather Channel I'd have better commercials to watch.
Okay, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Let's discuss something really important. Okay, that'll never work. Let me just tell you what I found on the internet today. And, the answer is no, I didn't have to certify I was over the age of 18 to enter.
I was doing some research for some adcopy I was writing when my brother in law decided to step in for a chat. I was in the middle of doing a Google search and had only gotten "how to" typed into the search window. What's at the top of the suggestions list, you're asking? How to shoplift. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Not only can Junior learn how to make a bomb on the internet, now he can learn how to steal all of the ingredients. It was actually a well written and informative article. And it made sense. This guys theory is that the prices of goods sold in stores are actually marked up to cover the cost of shoplifting therefore, what you are stealing is already paid for. Kinda makes you want go jack a liquor store, doesn't it.
Well, I thought I'd do some searching and see what else I can come up with. I'll start with "How to not kill your brother in law when you're doing research".
"How to Light a Fart on Fire" eHow.com
"How to Juggle Bowling Balls" youtube.com
"How to Throw Yourself in Front of a Train" this one was there but Yahoo Answers deleted it for some reason.
"How to Ask a Girl Out" I'll be right back. There's 194,000,000 ways of doing that and apparently my asking if they have a job just isn't working out too well.
"How to Commit Suicide" Hmmmmm, must be Yahoo Answers hasn't seen that one yet.
"How to Fly a 747" Google results: 4,000,000. That should be some interesting reading for terrorists.
"How to Throw a Cat Out a Window" Didn't get the same phrasing on this one but somebody has an article titled "If You Throw a Cat Out a Car Window, Does It Become Kitty Litter?"
Isn't this fun?
And finally, "How to Keep Your Ex-wife From Getting Your Telephone Number" Google's falling down on the job. No returns for exact phrasing. There was a site, though, that advertised "How to Trick Your Spouse Into Loving You Again in Two Weeks" Before I do that, I'm gonna get ahold of somebody at Yahoo Answers and get an Amtrack schedule.
Have a lovely weekend everybody.

Oh, I forgot one. How to get an affordable domain name and web-hosting.
Click here.